I Love You, Taylor Swift, but These Theories Are Exhausting
All these hidden “clues” about her next era are doing my head in
The first thought I had when I woke up this morning was “National Scrabble Day,” and Taylor Swift is to blame. Before last week, I had no idea what National Scrabble Day was—now I’m thinking about tiles and points as I brush my teeth.
I should rephrase: It’s not Taylor Swift herself who put National Scrabble Day in my head. It’s her fans, the Swifties, of which I’m a member. (“King of My Heart” will be my wedding song. It’s decided.) But as much as I love Taylor and all the theories surrounding her big announcement tomorrow, I’m mentally exhausted. The other day I went down a #TS7 theory hole on Twitter, which normally relaxes me, and I finished with a pounding headache. I was sweating. The speculation about what Swift’s dropping in 12 hours has gotten so out of hand I swear I’m having heart palpitations.
The theories were sensible (and exciting!) at first. Swift unveiled a new Instagram aesthetic in February, and it was clear she’s in a happier, more colorful place than 2017’s Reputation. She was wearing clothes with mermaid and butterfly patterns. Palm trees were everywhere. This all led to a sound hypothesis: that Swift’s new era would be lighthearted and fun. Bop city, if you will.
But then fans started doing math. Once Swift announced new music was coming on Friday, April 26, people went into overdrive trying to decipher why she picked that date. And they found answers—answers that are so wild, so far-fetched, I almost threw my computer out the window reading them.
Let’s kick off with National Scrabble Day, the bane of my existence. Fans deduced that a photo Swift posted of herself and her mom playing Scrabble months ago hinted at an April 26 release. Here’s the logic: Swift began her Instagram countdown to April 26 on April 13, which is significant because 13 is Taylor’s lucky number. There are 13 days between April 13 and April 26. Get it?
But fans say it’s also significant because April 13 is National Scrabble Day. Put another way, fans took these two facts and concluded that Swift playing Scrabble in October signified something big was coming on National Scrabble Day.
I just…I just have one thing to say:
Seriously, what? How did Taylor Swift’s entire army of fans know National Scrabble Day is April 13? Do they all share a mutual love for “State of Grace” and double-letter scores? April 13 is a random-ass day to me, but Swifties are out here shouting “National Scrabble Day” like it’s common knowledge. I’m tired. I’m so tired.
That’s only the tip of the iceberg. Fans then counted the amount of rainbow emoji in this tweet from @TaylorNation:
There are 115. Guess how many days are in between January 1 (when the tweet was posted) and April 26? 115.
The time and dedication it takes to count each of these emoji is astounding. It took me four whole minutes, and that’s after restarting twice because I screwed up. Four. Whole. Minutes. That’s a trip to the vending machine. That’s time I could’ve spent listening to “C’est la vie” by B*Witched or rewatching the “Beast?” fight from The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. I don’t have time to count 115 rainbow emoji on a random tweet from January. Hot guys on Instagram need me to scroll through their feeds!
The fact Swift fans even thought to count these rainbows—and then recall the number months later—makes me want to nap for 100 straight days. That’s energy I simply do not have.
The theories get even wilder from here. Let’s talk about how fans realized Swift posted to Instagram on February 23, 24, 25, 27, and 28, but not February 26:
Or how they counted the number of stars in a photo she posted on February 24. There are 61, which is how many days are in between February 24 and—you guessed it—April 26.
Um, these stars are blurry and blend together. Could you count them without wanting to quit and go to bed? Because I sure couldn’t. Every die-hard Taylor Swift fan is a descendant of Albert Einstein, apparently.